ohhhhhh dear, the paparazzi caught this photo once when I got pulled over. I still to this day don't know what happened to the skirt? As anyone who knows the Mistress know she enjoys a few nice beverages from time to time. On weekends it nice to go to my favorite place for a refreshing nip or two in New Hope to a hospitality house, or into center city Philly to one of the swank lounges she adores so much to carouse, I mean socialize, with the fine good looking boys. I usually have a home away from home to stay, but sometimes you want your own boudoir. But otherwise the Mistress has driver take her home. And the Mistress isn't the best driver anyhow, ask my sister Mame. But the Mistress usually has a way with batting the eyelashes and using other talents to getting out of tickets, even after some of my backfired lines with the police. In my experience these are some things not to say with them when pulled over.
1- I can't reach my license unless you hold my gin cock-a-tail.
2- Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3- Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4 Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5- I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer
6- Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
7- I know my driving is not 100%, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely DRONK!
8- Can you come back in 5 minutes? I'm in the middle of a telephone conversation.
9- A hundred dollar fine? Well, I think George Washington can change your mind
10- Whoops, that's the one with the fake age... here ya go, this is the one.
11- Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence
12-Do you have any idea how much of a hurry I'm in?
13-If you'd just drink the gin I just had, you wouldn't be so damn uptight.
14-Yes, I saw your lights on, but I thought you going to get a doughnut
15-There's no way I was going 85. I had the cruise set at 80.
16-What's wrong, Ossifer? I swear to drunk I'm not God! And really, there is no blood in my alcohol.
17-That uniform makes your ass look really good.
18-I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
19- "Do you know how fast you were going"? "No I'm too drunk to remember"
Believe me take my advice. Tootles.
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